We were so young.
Our youth flowed through us and we took advantage of it, making the most of every day. We didn't care that people thought we were too young to feel what we felt. We loved each other and that's all that mattered. Besides, when you know, you know. Even if we were just seventeen years old, we knew we were soul mates destined to find each other and live the way were living right then and there. How are other people supposed to tell you when you should fall in love? How do they know your circumstances? How do they know your feelings? It doesn't make any sense if you ask me.
We were so young.
The day he told me he loved me was the best day of my life. Those three words jolted through me like electricity and made me feel so alive. I had been waiting such a long time to tell him I felt the same way and now I had the perfect chance. It didn't take me but five seconds to tell him I loved him too. We were so happy. Except when we weren't.
When I told him I was pregnant, he changed. He didn't seem like the man who had just told me he loved me a few short weeks ago. The longer he just stared at me, the more he became distant to me. I already felt our love and happiness slipping from between us. I fought until I had no energy left in me. And the day the energy left me, so did he.
I was so young.
I didn't have anyone to turn to. My parents made it clear that I couldn't keep the babies. There were three of them growing inside me. There was no way I would be able to support them on my own. I didn't know who or where to turn to. I had never been so scared in my life. When I gave birth to my three sons, so healthy and so strong, I knew I had no choice but to give them up. They deserved a better life than mine. They just deserved better. I left them at a stranger's doorstep praying hard that they would give my boys a good home.
And they did. The fate that brought us back together will always have me forever grateful. I remember walking through the village, alone, heading towards the market to pick up a few things. While there, I overheard an older lady smiling widely and talking about her triplet sons. Although having triplets was uncommon in our area, I still felt as though there was a small chance the woman was chatting about my babies. Something inside pushed me towards her to ask, though.
When I found out I was right, joy and sadness rushed through me. My boys adoptive mother and I talked for hours. I'm glad we conversed for so long because it gave me time to work up the courage to see them, as she offered. It had been over twenty years.
Now, today, I look to all of my three sons and not only see his face, but also the determination, compassion, and humor, of my past love. I also feel the hurt and pain but still each day I see them, a little part of that pain is eased. My heart grows, and the missing parts are now filled.
They are so grown.
"Village; photo by Dennett" Source: MythFolklore Untextbook |
Bibliography: "The Three Brothers" by Richard Edward Dennett, from Notes on the Folklore of the Fjort (1898).
Web Source: Mythology and Folklore Untextbook
I liked how you changed the point of view in the story to how the mother felt. It also added a more realistic view that you made the story a little more modern with details like leaving the children on someone’s doorstep. Another good detail was a view of the mother’s past and how she was in love. It helps the audience sympathize with her. Thanks for the enjoyable read!
ReplyDeleteHi Christine!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story. I like how you shifted the time frame and storyteller from the original version. Like you said, there are always at least two sides to a story and the mother's perspective explains the need for the sons' forgiveness. I noticed in your first paragraph that disappoint should be disappointment. I also think that a different image could add more to your story. Overall, I think you did a really great job and I love the repetition of phrases. It gives a nice rhythm to the story.
Hey Christine,
ReplyDeleteI love that the theme of your portfolio is love stories. Those are challenging to rewrite, but they always turn out so well! The appearance of your blog is perfectly fitting for these types of stories because it looks as if a teenage girl was writing in her diary and that sets the tone for the stories, as well. I like how it changed from “we” to “I” when the story began to change tones.
This story is very different from the original, but I really enjoyed it and I think it would make a great preface to the original story because it sets the background of the three brothers. I really liked how relatable your story was to our society today. I feel like so many girls go through those same struggles with love and then some with pregnancy and they don’t know what to do, so great job! I can’t wait to read more of the love stories from your portfolio this semester!
Hey Christine!
ReplyDeleteI love that your blog has a unique format, with the black background and white font! I also love that you changed the font, I have been trying to decide on a new font for the last couple of weeks! I also think the fact that your portfolio has a theme, love stories, is really cool and a great way to tie your stories together!
In your story, I liked that you tied in the youth factor several times with the line "we were so young" and "I was so young" being repeated several times throughout the story. It really hits your message home and ties in the feeling of youth and love to your story. I liked the way you allowed the mother's feelings and perspective to shine through and you really showed what I imagine it feels like to be pregnant and in love!
Hey Christine!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite stories because this is definitely something that many people in our society can relate to. Not only does this grab the attention of readers like me that want to sympathize with that mother that had to give up her three triples, but this will also grab the attention of women that are in the same situation and don’t know what to do. I also like how this story is set up where it changed with her life from “we were so young” to “I was so young” then finally to “They are so grown”. Each paragraph flowed right into the next, which made this story very easy to read. Although the font was a little bit difficult to pay attention to at time, everything was so wonderful that the font did not distract me. You made this story seem so person, which really pulled on the heart strings and drew me to continue reading the story with ease. You are a great writer and this seems like a story that might be seen in a women’s magazine about her life story.
Hi Christine! This is the first story I am reading from the Myth and Folklore class. I am unfamiliar with the story you were referencing too, but I really enjoyed this story. It was so moving. I enjoyed how you broke up the different paragraphs with the one line. I especially liked how the lines were similar. It really helped keep a poeticness to the story. Overall, great job. I think you did a great job showing what it would be like to be in love and pregnant. You're character went through so much, but was so strong. This is a small issue, and honestly just a personal one for me, I had a hard time reading the white words on the black background. That is a minor issue. I did not notice grammar errors, so good job. I liked your picture too. I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope I am able to read more! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi, Christine. The story has to be my favorite story I've read so far in this class. It is filled with so many emotions. You made it seem as though I could relate to each of her emotions and feel what she feels inside. I didn't see any grammatical problems in your story and honestly couldn't help you at all in making it better. It is written much better than I would have thought to write it. I haven't read the original story but your author's note helps to make the connections between the two stories. I think you did a great job with the story. I am going to use your other stories for my extra credit also. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi, Christineie, I really enjoyed reading this story. I love the way you wrote it in first person. It really adds a nice element to the story. It makes it seem very personable and like you are in their minds. The day he told me he loved me was the best day of my life. Those three words jolted through me like electricity and made me feel so alive. I had been waiting such a long time to tell him I felt the same way and now I had the perfect chance. It didn't take me but five seconds to tell him I loved him too. We were so happy. Except when we weren't.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed that section from your story. You can really feel how much he loves her and how real it is. I think it really makes it apparent for the reader. You did a really good job with this story!